Monday, January 17, 2005
Rocky Mountain Transfer Time
The second and final Fantasy Footie Transfer Window is now open and it's time to brush up the Squad That Used to be Bound for Cup Glory But Is Now Bumping Sadly Along the Bottom. It's been a pretty rough winter for this 11-man squad, and I don't think the Calgary weather has really suited their style of play. Injury and under-performance has haunted the side for the last few months, transforming them from the glory days when they were Kings of the Losers to the current sorry state when even Robbo's Robbers has left them in the dust. The side is sitting in the 24th slot (of 28) on 559 points, well adrift of the Robbers (16th, 651), the Plums (12th, 688) and the Visitors (770, an incredible 5th). So how did we come to this sorry state? Well, here is the team run-down at the moment. Bear in mind that at present the side is down to only six men, with four players on the injury list and one having been unceremoniously sacked just in time for Christmas...
1. Transferred-in goalkeeper Petr Cech the Czech has been doing much better than that duffer Cudicini and has amassed 76 points for the side, a tidy sum, so no room for complaints here. The papers are saying he's boring (601 minutes of play since he last conceded a goal), but if he keeps his record up, I'm happy to be bored.
Cech - boring?
2. Arsenal's defender Lauren (what is his first name - not even the Arsenal website knows for sure!) has been out on the injured bench for the last few weeks after his knee gave way. His last few weeks have been marred by squabbling over next year's contract - he wants longer than the year he's being offered, and is making noises about a move to Real Madrid. He's expected back on the pitch later this month however, so we're expecting some more action in the latter part of the season to add to the 66 points he's garnered so far.
Lauren - moody?
3. The Big Swede, Villa's Olof Mellberg is still playing but has definitely gone off the boil, being stuck on a season's total of 60 points, a pretty poor total for not even being injured!
Mellberg- off the boil?
4. Chinese International Sun Jihai & the big Nigerian Joseph Yobo have been struggling all season to hold the side's back four together, and it's fair to say that they've failed miserably. Yobo the Everton yobbo has pushed the boat out to a full 18 points all season, while Sun Jihai is off the Man City side with a bad knee injury and may not be back at all, making it unlikely for him to exceed his 21 points so far.
Sun Jihai - bad knee
Yobo - underperforming
5. Keeping 36-year old midfielder Youri Djorkaeff on the side last time around was a calculated gamble which has spectacularly failed to pay off. Bolton failed to renew his contract at the start of the season, and he was signed late by Blackburn, on a just-til-January contract. Since then he's only played 3 times, sustained a hamstring injury and was ditched by Blackburn over Christmas. Nice work if you can get it, my son. Since his retention at the last Transfer Window, he's worked hard for rack up ZERO points, making a princely sum of 3 points in the season. Well, that was 3.5 million quids well spent.
Djorkaeff - end of the road?
6. Newcomers to the midfield, Jay-Jay Okocha (Bolton) and Jermaine Jenas (Newcastle) have settled in fairly well, although Jenas has taken the lion's share of the points, with 58 to his partner's 29, even under the pressure of skippering Newcastle in the absence of the injured Alan Shearer. Here's hoping for a late-season rush of energy from the pair of them.
Okocha - more to come?
Jenas - the new Shearer?
7. Strikers Paul Dickov (Blackburn), Mark Viduka (Middlesborough) and Nicolas Anelka (Man City) started the season strongly but have faltered in the middle section due to a rash of injuries which have left Dickov alone up front wondering where everyone else has gone... The three have notched up 228 points between them, which is over 40% of the team's total so far. Anelka is currently on the physio's couch with a 'mystery injury' requiring 'extensive scanning' to diagnose severe back and groin pain, although hopefully he will be back in action again by St Valentine's Day. Speculation is rife that he'll be off to Barcelona or Fenerbahce next season, though... Viduka is currently also laid up with a hamstring problem, and is expected to be off until the start of February. So we're down to one striker! Dickov is the team's top point scorer on 95 points, almost at the ton, and is single-handedly keeping both Blackburn and the Rocky Mountain Rovers out of the relegation zone. Hopefully he'll not be on his own in the box for too much longer...
Dickov - keeping the dream alive
Viduka - hamstrings a problem
Anelka - mystery injury
And so the time has come for parting of the ways... it's time to sharpen the axe and get chopping!
First up for the chop:
Sun Yihai (Man City, an inflated 2.5 million) - Whop!
Second:
Yobo (Everton, an overpriced 2.5 million) - Whang!
And last:
Djorkaeff (Blackburn, an incredible 3.5 million) - Whoops!
There we go - three duffers dealt with and 8.5 million quid in the manager's pocket. Now to find some new blood....
First up from the Sunday Leagues are the defenders, Everton's skipper Alan Stubbs and his team-mate David Weir (a snip at 2.0m each). Both are scoring well on points this season and are in the top 10 defenders so far (Stubbs is 6th on 106 and Weir is 10th on 89). If they can keep it up for the rest of season they might just pull the side out of the doldrums.
Alan Stubbs - ex-Celtic man
David Weir - a bookable offense?
Actually, looking at these two guys, they do look a bit rough, don't they? I mean, would you fancy trying to get the ball past these bad boys? Or meeting them in a dark alley? Watch out...
The last member of the Magnificent Eleven is midfielder Shaun Wright-Phillips of Man City (4.5m), who is the second top point-scoring midfielder this season at an impressive 146 points, recently scoring against both Arsenal and Crystal Palace. He squeaked it into the squad over Chelsea's Irishman Damien Duff who's just behind on 129 points.
Shaun Wright-Phillips - better than his dad?
And so there we have it - a new first eleven for the rest of the season, right to the bitter end, with all the heartaches, injuries and relegations which lie ahead. And three of the Final Eleven still have the big question mark of Injury hanging over them... Will Viduka make it back to scoring form? What about petulant Lauren's knee? And can anyone tell Anelka what's the matter with his groin? It's all downhill from here...
Final line up:
GK Cech Chelsea 4.0m
DEF Lauren Arsenal 3.5m
DEF Mellberg Aston Villa 3.5m
DEF Stubbs Everton 2.0m
DEF Weir Everton 2.0m
MID Jenas Newcastle 3.5m
MID Okocha Bolton 3.0m
MID Wright-Phillips Man City 4.5m
STR Dickov Blackburn 3.0m
STR Viduka Middlesborough 5.0m
STR Anelka Man City 6.0m
1. Transferred-in goalkeeper Petr Cech the Czech has been doing much better than that duffer Cudicini and has amassed 76 points for the side, a tidy sum, so no room for complaints here. The papers are saying he's boring (601 minutes of play since he last conceded a goal), but if he keeps his record up, I'm happy to be bored.
Cech - boring?
2. Arsenal's defender Lauren (what is his first name - not even the Arsenal website knows for sure!) has been out on the injured bench for the last few weeks after his knee gave way. His last few weeks have been marred by squabbling over next year's contract - he wants longer than the year he's being offered, and is making noises about a move to Real Madrid. He's expected back on the pitch later this month however, so we're expecting some more action in the latter part of the season to add to the 66 points he's garnered so far.
Lauren - moody?
3. The Big Swede, Villa's Olof Mellberg is still playing but has definitely gone off the boil, being stuck on a season's total of 60 points, a pretty poor total for not even being injured!
Mellberg- off the boil?
4. Chinese International Sun Jihai & the big Nigerian Joseph Yobo have been struggling all season to hold the side's back four together, and it's fair to say that they've failed miserably. Yobo the Everton yobbo has pushed the boat out to a full 18 points all season, while Sun Jihai is off the Man City side with a bad knee injury and may not be back at all, making it unlikely for him to exceed his 21 points so far.
Sun Jihai - bad knee
Yobo - underperforming
5. Keeping 36-year old midfielder Youri Djorkaeff on the side last time around was a calculated gamble which has spectacularly failed to pay off. Bolton failed to renew his contract at the start of the season, and he was signed late by Blackburn, on a just-til-January contract. Since then he's only played 3 times, sustained a hamstring injury and was ditched by Blackburn over Christmas. Nice work if you can get it, my son. Since his retention at the last Transfer Window, he's worked hard for rack up ZERO points, making a princely sum of 3 points in the season. Well, that was 3.5 million quids well spent.
Djorkaeff - end of the road?
6. Newcomers to the midfield, Jay-Jay Okocha (Bolton) and Jermaine Jenas (Newcastle) have settled in fairly well, although Jenas has taken the lion's share of the points, with 58 to his partner's 29, even under the pressure of skippering Newcastle in the absence of the injured Alan Shearer. Here's hoping for a late-season rush of energy from the pair of them.
Okocha - more to come?
Jenas - the new Shearer?
7. Strikers Paul Dickov (Blackburn), Mark Viduka (Middlesborough) and Nicolas Anelka (Man City) started the season strongly but have faltered in the middle section due to a rash of injuries which have left Dickov alone up front wondering where everyone else has gone... The three have notched up 228 points between them, which is over 40% of the team's total so far. Anelka is currently on the physio's couch with a 'mystery injury' requiring 'extensive scanning' to diagnose severe back and groin pain, although hopefully he will be back in action again by St Valentine's Day. Speculation is rife that he'll be off to Barcelona or Fenerbahce next season, though... Viduka is currently also laid up with a hamstring problem, and is expected to be off until the start of February. So we're down to one striker! Dickov is the team's top point scorer on 95 points, almost at the ton, and is single-handedly keeping both Blackburn and the Rocky Mountain Rovers out of the relegation zone. Hopefully he'll not be on his own in the box for too much longer...
Dickov - keeping the dream alive
Viduka - hamstrings a problem
Anelka - mystery injury
And so the time has come for parting of the ways... it's time to sharpen the axe and get chopping!
First up for the chop:
Sun Yihai (Man City, an inflated 2.5 million) - Whop!
Second:
Yobo (Everton, an overpriced 2.5 million) - Whang!
And last:
Djorkaeff (Blackburn, an incredible 3.5 million) - Whoops!
There we go - three duffers dealt with and 8.5 million quid in the manager's pocket. Now to find some new blood....
First up from the Sunday Leagues are the defenders, Everton's skipper Alan Stubbs and his team-mate David Weir (a snip at 2.0m each). Both are scoring well on points this season and are in the top 10 defenders so far (Stubbs is 6th on 106 and Weir is 10th on 89). If they can keep it up for the rest of season they might just pull the side out of the doldrums.
Alan Stubbs - ex-Celtic man
David Weir - a bookable offense?
Actually, looking at these two guys, they do look a bit rough, don't they? I mean, would you fancy trying to get the ball past these bad boys? Or meeting them in a dark alley? Watch out...
The last member of the Magnificent Eleven is midfielder Shaun Wright-Phillips of Man City (4.5m), who is the second top point-scoring midfielder this season at an impressive 146 points, recently scoring against both Arsenal and Crystal Palace. He squeaked it into the squad over Chelsea's Irishman Damien Duff who's just behind on 129 points.
Shaun Wright-Phillips - better than his dad?
And so there we have it - a new first eleven for the rest of the season, right to the bitter end, with all the heartaches, injuries and relegations which lie ahead. And three of the Final Eleven still have the big question mark of Injury hanging over them... Will Viduka make it back to scoring form? What about petulant Lauren's knee? And can anyone tell Anelka what's the matter with his groin? It's all downhill from here...
Final line up:
GK Cech Chelsea 4.0m
DEF Lauren Arsenal 3.5m
DEF Mellberg Aston Villa 3.5m
DEF Stubbs Everton 2.0m
DEF Weir Everton 2.0m
MID Jenas Newcastle 3.5m
MID Okocha Bolton 3.0m
MID Wright-Phillips Man City 4.5m
STR Dickov Blackburn 3.0m
STR Viduka Middlesborough 5.0m
STR Anelka Man City 6.0m
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